Human beings are bonding mammals, wired for connection. We form emotional bonds with close others which help us to survive and thrive. When we are close in our attachments, we feel euphoric. When those bonds are threatened, our nervous system codes this as a threat to our very existence. 

Emotion Focused Therapy for couples is an evidence-based therapy that has 30 years of research under its belt. EFT is a therapy that looks at how relationships can be repaired and how the bonds of love work. It focuses on the “music of emotion” – how we attune and respond to our own and our partner’s vulnerabilities and needs. To learn more about EFT, follow this link https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/

When we feel secure in our emotional bond with our partner, we can communicate more easily because we do not become overwhelmed in our interactions. We can listen, take what our loved one is saying to heart, and respond appropriately to work towards a solution. 

But when that bond is not secure, we can be easily triggered or threatened, such as when our partner becomes critical of us or shuts down. Then, a pattern can take over where we argue endlessly and never seem to get to a resolution. 
Susan Johnson, the creator of EFT, says: Underneath all the distress, partners are asking each other: Can I count on you? Are you there for me? Will you respond to me when I need, when I call? Do I matter to you? Am I valued and accepted by you? Do you need me, rely on me?